Still Session 9
I have had difficulty being able to really talk in detail about what happens next after I am thrown outside naked. My swan has challenged me to write in detail about it. So this is what I did.
Read with Caution
I have been taken outside. I get my clothes on. Trying to get myself together. There is a guy that is just standing there. He has not said anything or made a movement. I am really unsure why he is there. I don’t make an acknowledgment that I know he is there.
I am feeling alarmed. I don’t know why he is there.
I turn away from the barracks and start to walk towards my barracks. The guy is walking beside me. My heart starts to beat really fast. So many thoughts are running through my head.
I am feeling shaky/frightened/timid
Why is he following me?
Is he going to take me somewhere?
Is he going to hurt me?
I try to ignore these questions that are swimming through my head. Instead I am trying to focus on walking sober. I am concentrating on every step. Making sure that there was the least amount of staggering as possible. I don’t know who this guy is so I don’t want him to know that I have been drinking Just in case he does not know what happen in the second room on the right.
I am feeling alienated/victimized/heartbroken. I have been betrayed. Now this guy is walking with me and I don’t trust him either
I walk from the dirt area up an incline onto the paved road. I begin to get a pace going. It is not too fast but it is not slow either. I know I can not run because of the amount of alcohol I have had. But I figure I could at least have a steady pace.
This guy is still keeping up with me. He still has not said a word to me. He is just walking side by side with me. I look to my right and see my office. It hits me that if I am walking by my office the hospital is to the left. My heart begins to race faster. I think for a moment that I could veer to the left and go to the hospital. But this guy is with me. Will he prevent me from going to the hospital. I get scare and just start focusing on the road in front of me and getting home.
I am feeling wronged/alienated/rejected/crushed
The steps to get to my barracks are less than 100 feet from me. So I stay focus on those steps and know that my barracks are not very far from there. I get up the steps, then walk up the steps to get to the second floor of the barracks.
My room is the first one on the right. i make my way to my room, get my key in the door and push it open. I am not sure if this guy is trying to come in my room. I don’t feel him behind me. I poke my head out the door to see if he is there.
He is not there. I see the outside door closing. So I feel a moment o f relief. I make my way to my bed. I take my clothes off and put my robe on. I don’t want those clothes touching me any longer.
Luckily the alcohol is helping me to fall asleep. As soon as my head hits the pillow I fall asleep. I really hope that this was a dream and I wake up and life will still be as I know it.
To GOD Be The Glory. Take Care. Much Love.
