We are no longer family **Possible Trigger**
When I was 13 years old, I & my sister went from Virginia to Ohio for the summer to visit my mom’s family. We have 5 aunts, 2 uncles and about 23 cousins we would be able to visit. We had so many adventures that summer: camping, staying on a farm. Walking to the store, picking produce from the garden, going to the pool, and just hanging out with family.
There was one event that would change me that summer. My Aunt Bella was having a cookout at her house one day. There were about 10 cousins and 2 of my aunts there. We were having a great time. At the end of the night, we decided to go over to my Aunt Bertha’s house to stay the night. There were cousins sleeping all over the place.
I abruptly woke up to my 16-year-old cousin Wilbert raping me. I was so confused at what was going on. After he had raped me, he said he was watching a Billy Idol video and it drove him to do it. I remember even though I was just 13 years old at the time I was very wise in what I told him never. I told him that was bullcrap. I don’t forgive you. We are related but we are not family. A family does not betray each other like that.
Somehow, I could fall back to sleep. I woke up in the morning feeling sick. I went to throw up beside the couch I was sleeping on and threw up on Wilbert. I was still confused at what happened the night before. I knew it happened I just did not understand why. I did not talk to Wilbert for the rest of our visit there.
I decided to tell my Aunt Bertha & Aunt Beatrix what Wilbert had done to me. I sat down and told them. Basically, their reaction was “Are you sure it was not Bruce he comes from a welfare home, Wilbert comes from a middle-class home. He knows better” I was floored by their reaction and decided I would just tell my parents when I went back home to Virginia. I asked my sister if she would help me tell our parents. She said she would so I felt better about it at that moment.
The plan sounded great in theory but it was not executed very well. When we got home, my sister ran away from home and got married. My parents’ marriage was falling apart. Everyone was busy with their own issues so there was no one to talk to about it. So, at this point, I have 2 sexual traumas I have bottled up and no one to tell it too.
After a few weeks after being home I missed my period. I was in shock thinking there would be a chance I was pregnant. “How can I tell my parents that I am pregnant at the age of 13 by my cousin” I was in a panic about it. A few days later I had my period. So, I just blew off the delay because of the stress I have been under. I just tried to get on with my life.
I did the best I could to just live as though nothing had happened. I could stuff it down as much as I could. It really did not creep back up for a few years and even then, I still did not fully deal with it. It was 22 years before I faced that trauma head-on.
I have luckily not had much interaction with Wilbert. In a future post, I will share some of those brief interactions and how they have affected me. Much Love Take Care
