I have seen quite a few videos about couples announcing that they are expecting a baby. None have hit me as much as the one I saw today. Basically, the husband did a video journal throughout the pregnancy of daily pictures of his wife’s belly and many snippet videos of his continuous excitement.
It hit me the hardest because I yearned to have someone that was continuously excited throughout my pregnancy. Dennis did have a few exciting expressions but they were poisoned by so many negative moments that it is hard to really see them a pure excitement and joy. Because I told Dennis from the get-go that I could not have children his first reaction to my thoughts on pregnancy were doubtful and negative.
He was a bit excited when I was in the bathroom taking the text. He kept knocking on the door wondering how much longer. Then when I finally had the results and told him I was pregnant he took the test and banged it against the counter as if that would change the results, He helped me write on my belly to announce it to my sister and mom.
But after those two moments, the next pure excitement moment came after I dragged him to the ultrasound cuz he did not want to be apart of it. But as soon as he saw that heartbeat on the screen I saw a glimpse of his heart as he grabbed my hand in excitement.
I don’t remember many more moments of joy through my pregnancy with Bethanie. My neighbor was pregnant and due around the same time as I was. I saw her husband pamper and treat her like a princess. Making dinner, cleaning the house and many other moments of love. I did not get that from Dennis. I carried in the groceries, was yelled at for not keeping up with the house and not cooking very often.
I just wanted to be treated like a princess but did not get that very much. Even at the end of my pregnancy when I was on bed rest he yelled at me because the house was a mess and his mom was coming into town. So I broke my bed rest restriction to clean the house.
When I actually went into labor he did have brief moments of excitement. He counted her toes and fingers, brushed her hair for hours while in the hospital. But that did not last long. He yelled at me even before we left the hospital. If there were still pictures floating around as we left the hospital you would not see moments of happiness.
Instead, you would see Dennis with a pissed off look yanking the baby seat out of my hands and me balling trying to keep my composer in front of his mom. I am not validating his actions but I think he was not happy with his life getting kicked out of the army and barely making ends meet so he took it out on me.
My pregnancy with Lilie was not any better. He was not even happy when I announced I was pregnant. He never went to an appt with me since he just went through it less than 2 years before. His aunt was the one to accompany me to the amniocentesis appt when there was a chance the baby had Down syndrome. When I had false labor he basically dropped me off at the hospital and I had to find a ride home after I was released.
So when I went into labor in the middle of the night a week later he was not going to take me to the hospital. So I told him that was fine that I would have the neighbor take me. After dropping Bethanie off at his moms and his mom coming to the hospital Dennis went home to get sleep because he had a job interview in the morning. I told his mom not to worry about calling him when I started pushing. If he wanted to be there he would have. Ironically he showed up in the last 10 minutes of pushing. No moment of joy at the birth this time. We did have a few minutes of joy but not many.
So looking at these videos of an excited husband makes me jealous and envious of those lucky women. Part of me kind of thinks that it would be amazing to get pregnant with my future husband just in hopes of getting that chance of experiencing pure joy. But at my age, that is a slim chance of getting pregnant. Plus my girls are almost grown and there are other ways a husband can treat a wife like a princess than getting pregnant and raising another 2 children (the baby and the husband)
So I do yearn to have someone treat me like a princess. Open up the door because he wants to, Pull out the chair because he wants to. I want him to want to treat me like a princess and not feel obligated or be demanded to do those princess things. I hold onto that dream of one day wearing that crown and meeting my prince.
Take Care Much Love
