As far back as I can remember my dad was very open and vocal about educating me & my sister about sex. When we moved back to the “lower 48” from Alaska my dad had heard that children were learning about sex in school. So he felt he wanted us to have an understanding of it at home. We had a candid picture book describing the parts of the human body and also an illustration book with pictures. I appreciated this effort because we learned to appropriate and proper names at home.
I feel like the line of education versus inappropriate talk could sometimes be crossed by my dad. He would tell “adult” jokes with me present. He would even proudly show sometimes of the lewd gift he got at a Christmas party. Not sure if my dad felt that I might not understand these “jokes”. But these events turned my view of sex from something that should be an intimate act between a husband and wife into just an emotionless act that adults do.
Even to this day, I feel like my dad does not have respectable boundaries when it comes to sex. I have definitely stood up for my comfort zone. I will tell him that I don’t want to know about those things in his life. Those conversations make me cringe. So I stand up to my dad and make sure he does not cross the line of me being uncomfortable.
One thing that my dad use to do that makes me uncomfortable is a nickname he had for himself. I am not sure if he made it up or if someone else gave it to him. “Sylvester the Molester” (that obviously is not the true name since I have changed everyone’s names but it is equal to the vulgar real name) As a kid I kinda thought it was a funny name because it rhymes. It never dawned on me the meaning of that “nickname” until I started therapy. I grew up in the 70’s & 80’s when Sex was at the front of many conversations. But as I started healing from my life of traumas I found myself having open wounds of hurt feeling like because my dad was so open about Sex that being violated was not something to take seriously since sex jokes were daily presences in our home.
I am not 100% blaming my dad for the sexual traumas that have happened in my life. But I feel that if my dad would have spent more time telling me what was inappropriate touch was, then openly telling sex jokes maybe I would have realized that the things that have happened to me were not okay and I would not have been so numb for so many years. And maybe I would have been able to tell someone sooner. But I can’t live in the past, instead, I just have to continue healing from my past and use them as life lessons. Take Care. Much Love
