Telling Too Much

As far back as I can remember anytime I have started a new relationship rather it be friends, a new person at church or even at work.  I have had this desire to just spill the bean about my whole life.  While in the Army I remember holding out my hand to meet someone and saying “Hi I am Dana, I have been raped”  I felt like my traumas were such a big part of my life at that time I thought it was a part of my identity, who I am.  I realized this creeps a lot of people out.  So I began to hold back information.  But the desire to share my whole life story in one sitting was an urge I continually had to fight against.

A few weeks ago I was thinking about this and wondering why do I have this urge to tell someone I just met my whole life story immediately.  What I realized is that if I tell a new relationship everything in the beginning and they decide to leave I have not invested much.  But if I am like an onion and just reveal a little bit at a time and begin to get emotionally attach and then that person feels like what I am sharing with this is too much and they leave then I feel like I can get emotionally wounded.  As crazy as it sounds telling my life story up front is a protection mechanism.  Sure I am sharing my whole life instantly but to me, I am not losing anything that I haven’t already lost.  But if over time I begin to give this person my heart then I feel like I have lost those emotions and that time. So why not cut to the chase and see if they will stay.

I have really strived to learn to be that onion and if they decide to bolt than they must not be meant to be apart of my life and that is okay.  I have some amazing friends because of my onion peeling technique.  This has definitely been a learning experience.  I hope that when GOD brings the AWESOME brother into my life that I can be an expert at the onion peeling and he will love and appreciate all the healing I have done to get me to where I am at that exact moment

Take Care Much Love