When healing from a trauma in your life I really think that it is helpful to have “cheerleaders” Supporters who are cheering you on no matter what. When you stumble they are there with a word of encouragement. a hug or even just to be with you during a hard time. When you overcome an obstacle they are there to give you a high five or even just a smile. I know this is my journey. I am not completely relying on someone else to help me heal. It is like someone who is running a marathon. They are motivating themselves to keep up the pace and stay focused. But anytime they see someone on the sidelines cheering them on or even giving them a cup of water. That “cheering” is spurring them on to staying motivated. That is what a cheerleader does for someone healing from a trauma. Just a pep talk to let them know you are there for them and that you believe in them.
It took me a long time to understand that just because you are “best” friends or even close with someone. Some people will not be a great cheerleader. It might be because that can’t understand/process/or even know what to say about some of the things you are sharing with them.
This use to frustrate me “I know they care and love me why can’t they just understand the healing process” Or even some of the things people would say:
“That stuff happened over 20 years ago. Why are you still having issues with it”?
MY THOUGHT: Not everyone starts healing from the beginning. Some people take longer to decide to heal.
“It happened so long ago. Just get over it”
MY THOUGHT: You would never tell someone that lose their mom “It happened so long ago. Just get over it” We need to be compassionate to those are healing from trauma. They lost someone when it happened. They lost the person they use to be. So, they are learning to live life differently
“Being a rape survivor, I am surprised you let your daughter wear more revealing clothes”
MY THOUGHT: Clothes do not determine if you will be raped. Do not blame the victim blame the violator.
I have realized that a lot of people are not educated about sexual trauma. I had a friend that I just did not feel was understanding how this affected me.
So, I had her write a list of the traumas that she had endured. The most traumatic thing she had gone through was her dad cheating on her mom and they got a divorce.
I am not judging her on the traumas in her life. But it gave me a perspective of what she considered to be a trauma. So, I understood she will probably never completely understand my healing process.
So instead of being upset about the people that I wanted to be cheerleaders, I embraced the ones that have been there for me. It is all about perspective.
I also think that as I grow and heal that I am changing so my needs and expectations have changed. It’s funny as I was preparing to go LIVE on this blog, I contacted about 30 of my cheerleaders/supporters. I was not sure how they would react. I have gotten some amazing comments and encouragement. Here are a few I have received:
• Oh Coooool, I will check it out. So, proud of you Dana, God had done some pretty amazing things in your life always remember that and bring them to mind quickly when Satan attacks! :-).
• Dana, I am proud of you. Your experience was tragic but you are an example of being a Survivor. And, you will be an encouragement to others. Keep God in every message as he has blessed you with courage and wisdom.
• I’m sure you will inspire and help many. I look forward to reading your blog.
• That would be awesome!!!! I can’t wait to read it. I will totally send up prayers
• Dana, so excited for you. I know the blog and you will both be successful. I will be checking it out.
• That is fantastic! Can’t wait to see it up and running. And know I am very proud of you.
• Hey, there soul sista. Sooooo proud of you. You are going to be a beacon of light to so many…God is working in you. I will certainly check it out. Love Ya!
So, a BIG SHOUT OUT TO MY AMAZING CHEERLEADERS: You are rocking that outfit and those pom-poms are my favorite color. Take Care, Much Love
