When I accepted my current job almost 3 years ago I knew that I would have some difficulties and possible triggers. My papaw passed away in that hospital over 20 years ago. So I knew that would be hard to face.
Also when Dennis attempted suicide he was in the ICU for 5 days. Just being at the same hospital brought up some unresolved pain. Not only because of his hospitalization but some of the struggles I was having in my life at that time.
My relationship with Dennis had been struggling for quite some time at that point. I was so hopeful that by moving to a nicer bigger apartment would solve all our problems. But our problems came with us.
His suicide attempt should have been an obvious sign of where our relationship was. But instead, I was oblivious to the fact. I was so hopeful that I could “save” him., I could make him better. I could solve his problems. I could barely help myself during this hard time. Let alone help someone else. I now realize that I was so eager to help Dennis because it meant I did not have to deal with my own issues.
Once I started working at the hospital these things started being triggered by a simple item that is used on a daily basis.
These lemon flavored sponges on a stick are used for patients that are not able to eat but need to at least wet their lips. These same sticks were used on Dennis during his hospitalization. So every time I saw these sticks in a room that I was cleaning it reminded me of that hard time in my life.
But instead of allowing it to take me back to that dark time. I processed it. And definitely prayed through. It was definitely a hard time in my life. I can visit once in a while but I don’t need to pack an overnight bag. It is in the past and I don’t live there anymore.
