As hopeful as I was that Bethanie coming into our lives would help me and Dennis relationship. I think when I got pregnant with Lilie that hopefulness grew more. But reality sunk in. Dennis became depressed after finding out that I was pregnant again.
He contemplated suicide, lived in his car for about 2 weeks. His families attempt of trying to reach out to him did not help.
As my pregnancy progressed I had to get an amniocentesis to ensure no birth defects. I expressed to him that I was scared and wanted him to go with me. He chose not to go. His Aunt did go with me. Luckily the test came back okay. I got those results alone because again Dennis chose not to be there with me.
Dennis absent during my second pregnancy became the norm. I went to most of my appointments alone. I went 7 days past my due date and had to get a stress test and ultrasounds day every other day. I went alone.
I was scheduled to be induced 13 days after my due date. But I woke up early on the 12th day in major pain and discomfort. After 2 unsuccessful hot showers. I attempted to wake up Dennis to say I wanted to go to the hospital. He told me it was 230am and he was not going to wake up his mom so she could care for Bethanie because I “thought” I was in labor.
I told him not to worry about it that I would have the neighbor take me. He did not want that either. So he got up, we dropped Bethanie off and went to the hospital. He was unattentive. Sat in the corner with his arms folded.
After about 1 hour he announced to me that he was going home to sleep because he had a job interview that morning. It hurt to hear him say that but I was not in any condition to try to talk him into staying. His mom ended up coming to the hospital. She was even shocked that he left.
So here I was 2500 miles away from my family, my boyfriend decided he would leave me at the hospital. I tried to remind myself that at least I had his mom there for me. My labor actually progressed. At 630am my water broke and I began to push. His mom asked me if I wanted her to call him. I told her that if he wanted to be here he would have been here.
At my final pushes before Lilie was born Dennis walked through the door. To this day I have no clue if his mom called him or if he just showed up. So he made it to his second child’s birth by a few minutes. But even to this day when I think of the day she was born the moments of happiness are overshadowed by the fact that Dennis was choosing sleep for a job interview over being there attentively for the birth.
Even after 19 years, I am really striving not to be stuck in that moment. It was a happy moment the day Lilie was born. She is my blue-eyed angel who loves ducks, monkies and making my heart smile. Take Care. Much Love
