After my initial speech, in Lawrenceburg Indiana, I had a few more speaking engagements for “Take Back The Night” Events. Each one was so powerful. After about a year I was not getting other speaking engagements. Yet I was still hungry to share my story.
By this time I had been volunteering for the Rape Crisis Center for about one year. I knew they did community outreach programs. So I asked one of the Victim Advocates if there were any speaking engagements that I could do.
It was mentioned that their agency does a Victim Impact Board. I figured I could go a check it out. It definitely “Not What I Had In Mind” Basically this program is sponsored by the Local Probation Department. It was a mandated program for offenders who were on probation for a crime that involved a victim.
The offenders had to sit in a courtroom and listened to different victims of crime talk about how their lives were impacted. The theme is Choices. How one person’s choice impacted other peoples lives. Even though this was different than the types of speeches I have done before I figured I would give it a try.
I was definitely scared. Of the unknown, how they would react and definitely unsure if they would judge me about my sexual traumas. The other speakers on the panel were Homicide Survivors. Most had lost a child to gun violence. Their stories are so powerful.
After my first speech for the Victim Impact Board, I felt like I gave it my all. After the hour-long panel, the offenders have the opportunity to speak to the panel one on one. No one really said anything to me. I was okay with it. I understand what do you say to someone who has endured a sexual trauma.
After a few of the panels, some of the violators would actually engage in conversations about them being a trauma survivor or a family member. That is when I had an AHA moment and realized that some offenders try to escape a life of some type of trauma that leads them to substance abuse or alternative lifestyle. By no means am I giving these offenders and excuse for their criminal history? I am just saying that I realize that sometimes there is more to the story than the surface. These panels allowed me to be more compassionate and understanding.
The Victim Impact Board hold 3 panels a year. I have been doing the panel for about 7 years now. There are a few other speeches that I do for the Crisis Center. I have done 2 Juvenile Scared Straight Programs. Those have been a little harder because these kids are sometimes unreachable. They do the program to escape the reality of their home life. I just always pray that somehow they are impacted. All I can do is pray for them.
Like the title says. Not What I Had In Mind. That is definitely true. I am so glad that these speeches have taken me out of my comfort zone and exposed me to a bigger picture than I could imagine.
Take Care. Much Love
