No Welcome Sign

Dennis unhappiness about my pregnancy really did not change even after Bethanie was born. The day after she was born he came into the hospital room so mad. He leans over to me where his mom and brother could not hear and said “Because you left a basket of clothes in the bedroom my mom did our laundry” That basket of laundry his mom washed/dried/folded/put away. Was actually washed & dried. I just never had the energy to actually folded and put it away. And also it was in our bedroom. So I can not take ownership that his mom went into our room to do our laundry. It was easier for him to be mad at me than it was to be mad at his mom.  I really try to blow it off.

I ended up staying in the hospital a total of 6 days because I got an infection. The whole time I kept asking Dennis to make sure that the car seat was installed so there would not be an issue when I got discharged.
The day came that I got discharged and the nurse asked him if the car seat was installed. He said “NO” So he had to go install it and get it checked before we could leave the hospital.
The one issues sent him over the edge. He came back into the room cussing and raising his voice at me. I ended up leaving the hospital crying because a moment that should have been happy was turned into a yelling match.

Dennis did not speak to me for 2 days after getting out of the hospital.  I feel like this was the beginning of my journey of walking around on eggshells.  Acting like everything was okay when others were around but as soon as the door was closed nothing was said.  I hated this yet at the same time I reassured myself that I was not raising our daughter alone.  But really I was raising our daughter alone.  Sure we had the “traditional” family moments of holidays etc.  But those “family moments” were all that I had to hold onto in the hope of a real family. For the next 10 years, I continued I continued to hold onto the hope of being a real family until I realized that it was not meant to be.  Take Care. Much Love