Since I am related to one of my violators the possibility of seeing him at a family function is highly likely. I am also on high alert and ready to protect myself if needed. I have run so many scenarios in my head of what could happen and what I would do.
I have realized that no matter how much I think I am prepared for an encounter with Wilber I am never ready. The last time I saw him was at a funeral over 20 years ago. Wilber moved to another state shortly after that time.
So it was less likely for me to run into him at a store or whatever. But if there is a family function there is a possibility to see him. When I saw him at that funeral 20 years ago I had not actually come to terms with my traumas so I just “faked” my encounter with him. I did not have one on one interaction with him. I was just trying to keep it kosher.
A few months ago my Uncle Lloyd passed away. I decided to go to the memorial service to pay my respects and to support my mom since it was her brother. It did not hit me until I was pulling into the church parking lot that Wilber might be there since his family and Lloyds family were close growing up.
So I parked my car, I prayed to GOD to protect me and allow me to be wise if Wilber was there. I walk into the room in protective mode. Looking out for anything that may cause a trigger. I scanned the room to see where the exit was. Where there might be an open area that I could go to that did not have many people around.
I began to feel comfortable in the surrounding. The next step was to scan the room to see if Wilber was there. I saw his sister so then I continued to look for him. I SAW HIM!!! OMG WILBER IS IN THE SAME ROOM AS ME!!! I tried to calm myself down. It was not working very well so I decided to call one of my cheerleaders, I was prepared for her to not answer, so I would just leave her a message. She answered. She mentioned she did not have much time to talk. So I just babbled told her about what was going on. I told her I just wanted someone to know where I was and what I was going on. She told me what I knew even though in the moment I felt like I did not know it. “You are strong” “you do not have to stay” and “you got this”
So I got off the phone with her and pushed myself to find conversations to get into. That worked for a little while. At one point I was standing against a wall talking to someone. The conversation ended and just as I turn my head I see Wilber walking towards me. I feel myself starting to panic. At that same moment, I was getting ready to try and talk myself down from panic, my pocket started to vibrate. I pull my phone out to see Lilie was calling me.
I answer the phone in the nick of time to see Wilber attempting to say hi. I rush out of the room to be able to hear Lilie. Before she even said something I blabbed to her what was going on and I thanked her for saving me.
Being on the phone with Lilie gave me a chance to calm myself down more. I got off the phone with her, went back in the room to say my goodbyes and left. On the way home is when I realized that I will never bee 100% ready to see Wilber. But I will get better at it. I am just not going to go after it. Just let it happen and handle it the best that I can.
Take Care. Much Love
