I have mentioned before that I did not begin completely healing for many years after my traumas. Even before that, I had many small moments that happened to make me aware of my inner pain. One of the first “episodes” was shortly after I moved home after leaving Dennis in California. I was finding myself getting agitated very easily. One of my nieces said something very disrespectful and I found myself getting physically and emotionally aggressive towards her. I decided to check myself into the Mental Health Unit at the local VA Hospital.
While in the hospital I admitted for the first time to the VA about my MST. It was suggested that I apply for VA Disability. So after my hospitalization, I went through the painstaking process of filling out the necessary paperwork to claim my MST as a Disability. There was a very long time after sending in the paperwork that I did not hear anything from them.
I then received a letter that basically said that there was nothing in my medical records to give proof to what I was claiming. Of course, there was nothing in there. I did my best to hold it together for my time on active duty. I did not tell anyone in my chain of command about what happened to me. I strived to be an outstanding soldier. And that is basically that is what the letter said that because I was an outstanding soldier and that I had no disciplinary issue that the VA did not have anything to base this claim on.
That was heart-wrenching. Shortly after receiving that letter is when I started going to therapy. With encouragement from my therapist, I applied again for a VA claim. She felt since I had been going to therapy and been on medication that those things could support the claim better. I had more paperwork to collect this time so it took a little longer to complete the claim paperwork.
About 18 months after filing the second claim I received a letter in the mail from the VA. It stated that they had awarded me a disability percentage of 60% for MST. When I initially read that letter in my mind I interrupted that percentage as the amount of how much my claim was believable. They only believe 60% of my story.
But after processing it on my own and with my therapist I realized that MST is a very difficult claim to get more than 60% award for. So I began to accept and embrace my award letter. It was a very long 7 years of filing claims, collecting paperwork and everything to finally get that award.
It has been about 10 years since I received that letter. I still have struggled with that award letter. I do wish that I could have been awarded 100% because being employed can sometimes be a struggle. But I am grateful for what I got.
Take Care. Much Love.
