A few days ago I wrote a post about the opportunity to approach my dad and sharing my hurt towards him about my sexual traumas. Also during that trip, God taught me to Stop & Listen to my dad.
For many years I thought every time my dad was talking to me about my life he was sharing his disappointments, ridiculing me about my decisions and even just criticizing me. I think because my therapist helped me realize I needed to have no expectations from my dad on this trip. It allowed me just to stop and listen to him
This is what I heard my dad say:
“You need to leave 30 minutes earlier than planned when going to St Louis” He was not telling me what to do-He was actually saying “I am concerned you will get caught in traffic and I want you to be successful”
“You need to add more salt to the potatoes” He was not criticizing my potatoes. He was actually telling me “I like more salt in my potatoes”
“You came to visit me not to go to church” He was not criticizing my choices of going to church. He was actually telling me “I had hoped to spend more time with you on this trip”
For so many years I heard my dad tell me what I should be doing. I always thought he was not proud of me. That trip 5 years ago, spending 4 days with my dad, it allowed me a time to just stop and listen to my dad. To not just get defensive over the words. But really listen to his emotion in the conversation.
I am so grateful for that trip. I continue to just stop and listen to my dad. I am realizing that my dad does care and love me. We just speak 2 different emotional languages. So I just need to learn to translate his language to mine to understand him better.
Take Care. Much Love.
