Because I grew up in a military family, I knew even before raising my right hand that I wanted to do 20 years in the Army and retire. That was 100% my intention. But life happened, and my plan changed after the gang rape.
I really tried to push through it and still do the 20 years. But every year that I got closer I felt further away. I ended up getting off Active Duty after 6 years. But I still pursued a career in the Army Reserves.
But after 6 years Active and 8 years in the Reserve I hung up my combat boots after overhearing a male soldier say “Any female that goes in a male barracks deserves what happens to her” I WAS DONE!!
I sent my Company Command an email, explained the situation and told him I was done. He understood and did not try to persuade my choice.
I know I did the right thing for myself and my family. But it still ate at me that I was 6 years from my goal and that “I gave up” on the home stretch. I had to really come to terms with the fact I did not do 6 more. It took me a looooooooonnnnnnnnngggggggg time to get to that point. Instead of thinking I did not do 6 more I changed my thinking that I did 14 years. I served my country to the best of my ability for 14 amazing years.
I still have some struggles especially when someone finds out I did 14 years the typical response is “Why didn’t you do 6 more” I chose not to tell them about the sexual trauma. Instead, I mention 9/11/2001 and how it put life into perspective being a single mom. That did have something to do with my choice. But not as much as being done trying to heal in uniform.
WOW I just had an epiphany as I am typing. FOR ME I had to hang up my boots and take off the uniform before I could begin my healing process (I served 1989-2003) in 2007. I commend those that are able to do it while still wearing the uniform. For me, I had to take off the uniform to completely heal. Take Care. Much Love.
