There is a website called Vettix that gives veterans tickets to events that organizations have donated. A few weeks ago I receive an email about a country concert . Old Dominion was the main group
I put in 150 tokens to try and get 4 tickets. By the next morning I receive an email saying I won tickets. I decide to ask 2 of my co-workers that I took to Jake Owens a few months before if they wanted to go. They both said yes. So I made plans to go to dinner and go to the concert with them.
The morning of the concert I saw in a FB posted that Kimberlie tagged me in about the concert that a girl named Everlie who has Christie last name commented that she would love to go if Christie had an extra ticket. So instead of commenting on the post because I did not know if Christie wanted this Everlie girl to go. I instead send Christie a message and let her know I do have an extra ticket if she wanted this person to go. Immediately after sending the message I get a second thought “maybe it is not a good idea to have someone new go with us” it’s too late now I already hit send. For a moment I hope Christie says she does not want this person to go with us. But instead, she replies that Everlie is her sister. She asked if I was sure if I wanted her to go. I told her it was fine. I did mention my apprehension that if I have a panic attack that I did not want it to be awkward for Everlie. Christie reassured me that Everlie was a good person and has been compassionate in her healing
It is the end of the workday. I Change my clothes and drive over to the Coliseum. I go over the things that I had discussed with my swan. I want to be present tonight.
I get to dinner and decide to drink a beer. I enjoy hanging out with Christie and Kimberlie. And I don’t even freak out when Everlie joined us. I have another beer before we head over to the concert. Everlie paid for dinner.
We were enjoying the short ride to the concert. There is even a moment where Kimberlie and Everlie are fighting over who will pay for parking.
The concert has already started by the time we make it in. I am remaining calm. I remind myself that I am safe.
I am feeling confident that I can handle this situation
I am feeling excited to hang out with my concert buddies
I fight the resistance to look around and survey the perimeter. I remind myself that I have 3 amazing bodyguards And I have myself.
As far as the alcohol level. I am feeling relaxed. But not a bit drunk. I am feeling coherent about my surroundings. But I do question if the alcohol is suppressing my true feelings or emotions.
I fully believe that I am 100% in the moment and the alcohol is not making the situation fuzzy.
I was really enjoying the concert. And then suddenly, the guy behind me diagonal to the right is drunk. He is yelling and screaming.
My SUD immediately raises to an 80. I remember my swan telling me half the battle is staying in the moment. Because my instant thought was to flee to leave the situation and go walk around. But I was determined to stick it out. As he is getting stupid I breath in deep and attempt to ground myself in the moment.
I also remember my swan telling me that the peak is 45 to 60 minutes. So, I remind myself that I can do an hour. I will be jamming most of that time.
I started to drink the bud light tall boy that Everlie bought me. Next thing I know I am JAMMIN. And I am drinking my beer as I am doing that. Casually drinking my beer. And enjoying the moment. I am not feeling the need to down the beer to get liquid courage. I realize that I already had the courage and you can’t get that in a can.
SUDS 30
I am feeling excited that I am enjoying the concert. I am interacting with my concert buddies. I am having a great time. I try to go back in time. “Before tonight when was the last time that I totally enjoyed a concert”
I don’t know the answer to the question. Wait I know. After me and BG got married, we went to see Brooks & Dunn. I had no care in the world. I was in the moment. Oh yeah there was also the Sawyer Brown concert with Dennis. I enjoyed myself and forgot that I was with someone until he put his hands around my hips.
This concert that I am at right now is such a healing moment. I am not worried or on high alert to my senses. Instead I am in the moment.
For a moment I question again about the fact that I have been drinking has the alcohol blurred my vision of how well I am. Maybe slightly but like I said before. I am in the moment. I am grounded and I am alert of my surrounds. I am not carrying on a forced conversation. It is coming and flowing.
Because I had been drinking my bladder was in overhaul. And off course we were in Row R of the nose bleed section. Kimberlie and Christie would ask if I needed them to go with me. I told them I was okay to go by myself. On one bathroom visit I must have been gone a little too long. Christie sent me “are you okay” text.
It made me feel validated to have these women that I have known less than a year looking out for me.
We decided to leave before the crowds got crazy. There was still a moderate crowd, but I pushed through it. It was not until we were almost to the car that I realized I was free. I was not toggled down to anyone. I was not holding anyone’s hand. No one was holding on to me. In fact, they were walking a good 5 feet in front of me.
Leaving the concert, I felt like this was a success. I was truly proud of myself
SUDS 15
I am feeling
accomplished
proud
calm
peaceful
at ease
comfortable
pleased
encouraged
serene
free and easy
bright
blessed
The
Courageous
Comforted
