Wilbert,
I can truly say that I ultimately do forgive you for raping me 33 years ago. But I find myself holding onto some bitterness & resentment because you are my cousin. We are family, I would never have thought that a family member would violate me in such a way as a sexual trauma. How could someone that you have spent so much time with, someone that you have laughed & cried with violate a family member in such a violent way. It is hard for me to wrap my head around that thought. But I have to stop myself from the vicious cycle of trying to diagnosis and understand the reason why you raped me. I will do more harm to myself by doing that. And that is unnecessary stress. So I need to release it like an eagle in the wilderness. I do not know where it will go but it needs to be set free so I can be free.
I can never forget that night because it has caused me to have disabilities in my life now. I have a hard time sleeping. I have a personal space issue. I can not have someone’s body weight on top of me. So I have disabilities but I am not paralyzed by it. I am learning to move on.
So, Wilbert, I do forgive you. God commands me to love you, so I do love you but I do not have to like you or accept things about you. So I wish you the best in your life. I have finally left that horrible night in the past and I am finally able to live my life the best I can.
I am finally free
Dana
