I realize when becoming a parent for the first time it can be very stressful. And there can be moments of feeling like you are failing and just want to give up. But when I put my mind to something I set out to achieve it. And that is what I planned to do when things became stressful after having Bethanie.
Like I mentioned in the previous blog post, Dennis had a hard time being a parent. It could be a very stressful time in our house. But I was hopeful that things would get better. I think the first BIG sign that this was going to be rough was when Bethanie was about 3 months old.
I don’t really remember what the exact situation was. I just remember Dennis getting frustrated because Bethanie was crying. I was trying to encourage him to make an effort to calm her down. He got mad. He grabbed her empty pumpkin seat and her diaper bag and told me to get out. I did not want to anger him.
So I packed a bag for me and Bethanie and headed to my mom’s. I had planned on staying at least 2 nights hoping he would have time to think and calm down. But when I called him the next day he basically blamed me for leaving. He made it seem like he did nothing wrong. It was like he forgot that he threw stuff in the hallway and told me to leave.
I ended up staying at my moms around 5 days. When I came home there was no remorse and we did not even talk about it. For me, this was the first time of many that I just “smoothed” things over with him so there was not any conflict and being hopeful that things would get better. It would take me about 12 years of being hopeful before I realized that there was no hope left to be hopeful. Take Care. Much Love.
