I was so excited to be pregnant. It was the one thing I had dreamed about for a very long time and it was finally coming true. Once that initial excitement wore off is when the unknown struggles began.
In the beginning of my pregnancy, I was happy to have either a girl or a boy. But as time went on and the closer we got to find out what we were having I started thinking that I did not want a little girl. I could not figure out why I would think that.
Then one day it hit me I did not want a little girl because I did not want anything that had happened to me to happen to her. WOW!!! This was my first AHA moment about my traumas. I had locked them away in the closet for many years and really never even opened up the door. And this moment was me not only opening up the door but actually leaving it open.
After that AHA moment, I held my baby belly and vowed to the baby growing in my belly that I would protect her no matter what. I continued that vow for her and then her sister until they began their own life. Sometimes they did not understand the 100 questions (not just 20) when they were going to hang out with other people or staying the night with someone. For me, that was my way of making sure I protected them and looked out for them. I will continue to protect them until the day I die because that is the vow I took. Much Love Take Care
