My sister and I are complete opposites. Many people would assume it was because we were 2 different people. But it goes much deeper than that. From as far back as I can remember I knew that my dad had adopted her. We have the same mom. I remember in the 4th grade all my friends kept bugging me to find out why my dad adopted my sister. So I went to my mom and asked her. She told me so matter-of-factly.
When she was in high school she tore her Achilles tendon and was not able to go to prom. Her boyfriend at the time got drunk, came over to her house and raped her. She found out she was pregnant, she decided to keep the baby, who is my sister. At the time my mom told me this I could not comprehend the significance of the story. I went back to my friends so matter-of-factly and told them those details. My mother has never again spoken of her sexual assault. Now looking at my sister & mom I know it has impacted theirs lives to the core.
Now that I am an adult I understand the significance of rape and how it can impact your life. My mom does not talk about her sexual trauma but I can see how it has impacted her. I feel she buys things to try to fill her life up. I know that if you don’t deal with your trauma you can’t fill the emptiness in your soul no matter how hard you try.
My sister is very distant. She is afraid to get close to people. I can’t imagine how it could feel to go through life knowing that you are a product of rape. I tried for many years to have a close relationship with her. But she has always rejected it. So I keep my distances from her and only approaches her when she is comfortable.
Sexual Trauma is the unfortunate secret in our family. And unfortunately, no one ever talks about it. I guess that is why I am the black sheep in the family. I talk about it because it helps me to heal. Take Care. Much Love
