A saying/motto that my dad repeated throughout my childhood was “Accept Me For Me Not Who You Wish Me To Be” I heard it when I had challenges with being accepted by others. I heard it when I tried to conform to someone else expectations to fit in. My dad repeated it so many times in my life.
I was reflecting on this the other day and had an AHA moment. The one person that repeated this over and over to me is the person that I feel did not follow it when interacting with me. I feel like my dad did not accept me for who I was. He verbally put me down and called me every name except my given name. He did not even say “I LOVE YOU” until I was 14 years old. He criticized me through my adult years on every decision I made. How is any of those actions showing that he was accepting me for who I was and not who he wishes me to be?
Don’t get me wrong I know and understand that as a parent you want to push your child to their full potential because you believe in them. But that’s the thing I never really thought or felt that my dad believed in me. I have never really felt like my dad is 100% proud of me and the accomplishments I have made. I have always felt like my dad is not happy with me.
But then I had another AHA moment that I realized that my dad maybe the person that repeated it to me for many years. But now I need to be the one saying it to myself. I need to accept me for who I am now and not who I wished that I would be. My vision for myself was to serve 20 years in the Army, be married, raise our children together, and living my life traveling the world. None of those things happened like that. I got out of the Army at 14 years. I have been married and divorce twice. I raised my girls pretty much along. I can barely afford a trip to see my kids let alone just traveling. I think I have spent so much time beating myself up for all the things that did not happen. Instead of embracing all the great things that have happened.
I need to truly accept me for me and not who I wished for me to be. Take Care. Much Love
