Do You Think Maybe **Possible Trigger** Read with Caution

Session 4

Last wednesday I shared a confession with you about my gang rape. It was hard to do but I knew I needed to do it. I neeed to free myself. I needed to be honest specifically to myself.

The next week after that difficult session I went back to PE Therapy. At the beginning of the sessions me and my therapist just talk about the previous session

Another thing that came up in my recollection of my gang rape was remembering how heavy my body felt. I could remember how difficult it was to lift my head, legs or even just the ability to see the faces of the soldiers raping me.

So my therapist mentioned that after I left the previous week she started thinking about that description about how heavy my body felt. She shared her concerned that she wondered if I had been drugged. She mentioned that some of her other clients who knew that they had been drugged mentioned about how heavy their body felt.

When my therapist mentioned that it took me by surprise. I validated what she said. But I also questioned if date rape drugs were even a thing 30 years ago.

Just thinking about the possibility of these guys drugging me just angers me. To know the extent that these soldiers went to to overpower me and to gang rape me is really hard to comprehend.

It is so easy for me to take ownership and to blame myself for not being on high alert that night. I can blame myself for letting my guard down, for trusting these soldiers.

But I refuse to take ownership or responsibility for any part of what happened that night. I wanted to believe that these soldiers would protect me and ensure my safety.

It is not at all my fault or responsibility for the fact that they betrayed me. This is one more thing that I realize I need to heal from.

A Journey of 1,000 miles Begins with a single step

To GOD Be The GLORY. Take Care Much Love