I usually try very hard not to follow sexual trauma stories that are in the news. For me, as a survivor, it is not something healthy for me. When I do follow a story, I can find myself stewing over it. So, I try to not even connect to the tv when I hear a story on the news.
So, when the story of Brock Turner was all over the tv (double hard since he is from Dayton) I tried very hard to stay disconnected. It was so difficult. But I found myself engulfed in the story just like most of America. The part that struck a nerve so much with me was the letter his father wrote to the judge for leniency in the sentencing. I became very angry with his dads to disconnect of the crime his son committed and was found guilty of. I decided to “write” a letter to his dad in response to his letter to the judge. Below is the letter that I wrote to Brock’s father in rebuttal to the letter he wrote to the judge.
Dear Mr. Turner,
When I first heard about your letter to the judge regarding your son’s rape case I had no desire to read your letter. Because of the media uproar, I have heard a few tidbits I had heard through the media got me upset so I decided to go ahead a read your letter so I would have the full knowledge of the letter. Here are a few statements that you made that were very alarming to me.
. I am not speaking for this girl because I don’t personally know her and every sexual trauma survivors story is different. But I can matter-factly state as a sexual trauma survivor. I was gang-raped while I was in the military. I never prosecuted because of fear of out-of-touch comments like you have made. “These were good soldiers with big shiny medals, accommodations, & rank.” ” She went into that room willingly” No matter how great a person these guys where they made the decision to lure me into a barracks room and gang-rape me for over an hour and throw me outside naked. My trauma happened 26 years ago but sometimes it feels like it just happened yesterday. To this day I have a hard time going out in crowds, being out late at night or even the smell of alcohol makes me nausea. So, I will not accept that “this was “a 20-minute action so be gentle with my middle-class privileged child.”
The words you spoke speak volumes about who you are and your view on rape. It seems like you don’t take the word or definition of rape seriously. You are acting like he backed into a neighbor’s chain-linked fence. “Oh, it was just drunk sex” There is no such thing as drunk sex. If a person can not acknowledge what is going on and is not an active participant it is not sex it is rape. A crime is being committed against their will. So basically, you are saying that someone sticks a gun in your face and tells you to give them your money and then you hand it to them you are willingly giving it to them so aren’t you consenting to it. I don’t think you would agree that robbery is consensual and I don’t agree that taking advantage of someone is consensual. Your son raped that girl. The longer you are in denial the longer it will take for you to realize your son blew the chance of going to the Olympics. When he raped that girl, he chose a different path for his life. He will now have to think about every place he lives, any job he may desire and the possibility of being within so many feet of a child. You may think the court system did him wrong. I think the court system did not do him wrong enough. 6 months isn’t anything when it comes to rape. 6 months will probably be how long it takes this girl to be intimate with her boyfriend or even go outside after dark.
“This culture was modeled by many of the upperclassmen on the swim team and played a role in the events of Jan 17th and 18th 2015. Looking back at Brock’s brief experience at Stanford, I honestly don’t believe it was the best fit for him. He was ready academically and athletically, but it was simply too far from home for someone who was born and raised in the Midwest. He needed the support structure of being closer to family and friends.”
In this statement, I don’t hear that Brock takes ownership of his choices instead I hear you blaming the upperclassmen and peer pressure. That is total garbage. Your son has free will and the ability to know right from wrong and if he realized doing drugs and alcohol was not a good choice then he should have stood up for what he believed in instead of going with the flow of the in-crowd. You are enabling your son by making excuses. You talk about his academic & athletic choices. I am confident that you pushed him to have integrity and make right choices there. Where were those life lessons in letting him know right from wrong about rape?
“As it stands now, Brock’s life has been deeply altered forever by the events of Jan 17th and 18th. He will never be his happy go lucky self with that easy going personality and welcoming smile. His every waking minute is consumed with worry, anxiety, fear, and depression. You can see this in his face, the way he walks, his weakened voice, his lack of appetite. Brock always enjoyed certain types of food and is a very good cook himself. I was always excited to buy him a big ribeye steak to grill or to get his favorite snack for him. I had to make sure to hide some of my favorite pretzels or chips because I knew they wouldn’t be around long after Brock walked in from a long swim practice. Now he barely consumes any food and eats only to exist. These verdicts have broken and shattered him and our family in so many ways.”
You give a sad story that he is no longer happy, his smile is gone. He is consumed with worry, anxiety, fear & depression. If he is 100% remorseful than these are valid feelings. He needs to realize his actions and how his choices impact those affected, i.e. His family, Victim, Victim Family, community & society. He needs to take ownership and worry about how this is affecting his life and his victim’s life. If these feelings are the result of a pity party then I have no empathy for him He needs to own up to his responsibility and know he really messed up. Own it.
Not once in your statement did I hear any sympathy or empathy for the victim and her family. There are 2 families that are forever changed because of your son’s choices.
I think it is sad that there are quite a few GoFundMe pages to help with his legal fees. I don’t see anything saying that you want to help the victim’s family. I feel like you don’t want to think about them and what they are going through. It is easier for you to be inner focused and not think about the other people that are affected by your son’s choices.
“His life will never be the one that he dreamed about and worked so hard to achieve. That is a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20 plus years of life. The fact that he now has to register as a sexual offender for the rest of his life forever alters where he can live, visit, work, and how he will be able to interact with people and organizations.”
You stated that it was “20 minutes of actions” Running, Jumping & bending are actions. Your son committed a crime. YOUR SON RAPED A GIRL!!!! It may have been a 20-minute crime but it has impacted this girl for the rest of her life. You are belittling this crime as if he was smoking pot behind the school. “Let’s just give him a reprimand, he is a good kid and it is first brush with the law” Would you have the same mind set if this was a drunk driving charge? “oh, he was only behind the wheel for 20 minutes, the victim is only in a wheelchair so don’t punish him too bad” or robbery case” he just stuck a gun in the guy’s face for 20 minutes and took his new shoes” This girl is going to deal with this for the rest of her life. She will question every choice she makes. It will probably be a long time before she can even go by a dumpster without breaking down and cry.
Your son may have worked hard to get into Stanford and be an Olympic hopeful. He made a choice in his life that basically threw all those hopes and dreams away. That sucks. Deal with it!!! Maybe he should have thought about that in the moments before he chooses to take advantage of this girl and rape her.
“What I know as his father is that incarceration is not the appropriate punishment for Brock. He has no prior criminal history and has never been violent to anyone including his actions on the night of Jan 17th, 2015.”
Just because he has no prior criminal history does not mean he should not be punished. And to state, he has not been violent including the night of the rape. This statement makes me sick to my stomach. That is appalling. “He raped her it was not at gun point” Does this make it less of a crime.
“Brock can do so many positive things as a contributor to society and is totally committed to educating other college age students about the dangers of alcohol consumption and sexual promiscuity. “
Your son was not being charged with sexual promiscuity. What he did was rape a girl. Sexual promiscuity is between 2 consenting adults. The victim in this crime was not able to consent to anything. Sugar coating this may sound more acceptable to you. You son did not just meet a girl and then have consensual sex. Your son took advantage of an unconscious woman. So, your son could contributor to society successfully if his 100% admits that he raped a girl and take responsibility for his actions.
“By having people like Brock educate others on college campuses is how society can begin to break the cycle of binge drinking and its unfortunate results. Probation is the best answer for Brock in this situation and allows him to give back to society in a net positive way.”
“Binge Drinking and its Unfortunate Results” would be vomiting, falling, and breaking the coffee table. That is not what your son did. He made choices to drink, and rape a girl. I so fed up with you sugar coating the crime your son committed.
So, remember your son’s life is not turned upside down. He is 20 years old and has his whole life ahead of him. Your family has the choice to take responsibility for r your sons action and learn from the mistakes. As you grill your son’s steak remember there is a victim that had her whole life turned upside down. Your son got a mild reprimand for his crime. The victim has a life sentence to the prison of self-doubt. She will doubt so many things in her life and she lost the girl she was and must now look in the mirror and see a girl she can barely recognize. I hope that when your son looks in the mirror he sees what he truly is. A coward, a naïve irresponsible middle-class punk, and A RAPIST.
Signed an Irritated Survivor.
