Because I have had so much trauma in my life it can be so easy to focus on the bad and not be able to see all the good things that have happened. I take a twist on a popular analogy “Can’t see the forest for the tree” Instead I say, “I can’t see the trees because of the forest” It is hard for me to see each individual tree. Instead, I just see a blob of trees intertwined with weeds and vines. I don’t see the wildlife in there. Or even the waterfall.
So, I have learned to really look at each individual thing in my life and really embrace the good things that have happened. No matter how small of an event it was. That way when I think about it I can still be emotional, mentally, and even physically connected to it.
When my grandson Monkie was born things were chaotic. I was wearing many hats: coach, door guard, messenger giver, and photographer. I almost forgot the most important hat to put on “Mimi”. I was getting ready to welcome my first grandbaby into the world and was almost not emotionally connected because I was going through the motions of doing everything else. Luckily, I realized this as my daughter was pushing. So, I stopped myself from doing stuff and started using my senses. “What do I see around me” My daughter getting ready to bring life into the world. My baby was getting ready to have a baby. The bassinet that would soon hold my grandbaby. The clock that would soon mark the time that Monkie makes his debut. “What do I hear?” The constant beeps of my monkies heartbeat. The doctors and nurses encouraging her “What do I feel?” Emotionally I feel scared, happy, most importantly EXCITED!!! Physically I feel my daughter’s hair as I rub her hair and her skin as I rub her back. This helped so much because I was present for his birth. I was not busy with a thousand things in my head.
All these details may seem like overthinking. For me, it was being present in the moment. So many times, in my life I have desensitized myself, refused to allow myself to feel. It had become a survival skill for me. A way of protecting myself from the bad. But that same survival skill kept me from really being present for some great events in my life.
With painful memories, we try hard to not think about them in depth because we do begin to get emotionally, mentally, and even physically connected to them. Don’t get me wrong that can be a great coping mechanism. But then we get into the routine of doing that every time we think of a memory and we can begin to dismiss good moments in our lives. So, we need to stop that automatic motion and really embrace the good moments.
