I have mentioned before that I did not see positive examples of love & affection from my parents. Unfortunately, the examples that I saw was of unloved & unaffection. I rarely saw my parents hug, kiss or even a hint of affection. Arguing, cursing, yelling and even throwing things were at the forefront of our home.
I remember numerous nights being abruptly awoken by my parents yelling and screaming at each other. I never knew when it would happen. I hated it. Even though I did not like when my parents got divorced. There was a certain peace when they got divorced. I knew I would no longer hear the uncomfortable fighting and discord.
This added to my skewed vision of love and affection. For a very long time when I got angry in a relationship, I would yell, scream, curse and even throw things. It took me a very long time to realize that effective communications comes from a calm conversation and not a plate being thrown across the room.
I truly believe my parents tried the best way they could to be examples to me and my sister. Loving each other was not one of them. It did not get any easier after the divorce. This was the point in my life I felt like a ping-pong ball being thrown between my mom and dad. If and when I spoke of the other parent in front of the first parents present I would immediately hear negativity about the other parent. “Your mom is this….” “Your father is the one that did this” In their eyes they were speaking about their ex. But to me, they were talking about my other parent. I vowed at that moment that if I was ever in that situation with my own children I would not dog the other parent.
I vowed at that moment that if I was ever in that situation with my own children I would not dog the other parent. I have done my best not to break that vow. It does not help my girls if I am dogging their dad.
I do my best to stop the noise from my past so that it does not disrupt the music of my future. Much Love Take Care.
