The idea of love surrounds us in our environment every day, blasting from the TV and on social media almost constantly. Love is not as simple as it often portrayed in the media.
Because of the way I grew up I did not have healthy examples of love. So I think I grabbed onto the first thing I found hoping it would be love. And when I realized it may not be I convinced myself that maybe it would one day or someday magically turn into love.
I realize that there are different types of love. I think I have loved people with the different types of love. But I now realize that I may not have ever been in love. Not only do you love that person but they also love you in return for that deep love.
To prepare for this post I went to the most reliable source I know. GOOGLE. I looked at more than one article and combined it into the following
- You focus on someone else’s happiness, not just your own when you are in love.
- You do not need to share all the same interests to be in love.
- You can be yourself with the person you love, and love them for being themselves as well.
- You may feel “addicted” to them when they aren’t around.
- Know that loving someone doesn’t mean you never fight.
- The other person knows that you will always be there for them, no matter what
- You want to spend time together, it does not feel like an obligation.
- Love should be a naturally occurring process that evolves gradually and never forced.
After gathering this info I can say that I never was in love with Dennis. I cared for him. I had moments of feelings for him when he did certain things. He did give me butterflies sometimes. I had hoped if I focused on his happiness it would be given in return. But it felt like it was more of an obligation for him so that never made me feel validated. I think the “addiction” feeling I had was more insecurity in feeling important. I definitely don’t think our relationship came naturally. It seemed like it was forced. I will say we had a great beginning of amazing dates. But when the glitter ended there was not much there.
I think BG was the closest person I have been in love with. Many of the above descriptions were there in our relationship. But because he was the first relationship I had after my gang rape I feel like I was not receptive to what he was giving me.
I am definitely open to the possibility of falling into love with someone. But I am not rushing anything. I will continue to be faithful that GOD has a plan for me and just wait for it to unfold.
Take Care. Much Love
