About 3 years ago I was over at my sister’s house hanging out on my day off. My phone rang and it was the Rape Crisis Center I volunteer for. One of the local tv reporters had contacted them. The reporter wanted to speak to a survivor of sexual trauma about the possibility of the Statue of Limitations for Rape Kits to be lifted.
I called the reporter and she explained everything to me. She was wanting to meet within the hour so they could get the story on the late night news. So I left my sisters quickly and started heading home. I called one of my cheerleaders to help calm me down and get me focused. I got home, tidied up a little bit before the report got to my house.
I made sure to wear teal & purple to have the subtle awareness of domestic violence and sexual trauma. Kelly May arrived at my house and started setting up. Since she did not know my background I asked if she wanted to know about my traumas. She said sure and so I started rattling off everything. She then started asking me questions. I started wondering when she was going to start filming. It was at that moment I realized that she had been filming since I started speaking. I freaked out for a minute inside but I kept it together.
Honestly, since it was my first interview I think it was best for the element of surprise and not knowing that I was not so nervous. We finished the interview and she told me that when it would be on that night. So after she left I contacted my friends and family to let them know about the interview.
At this point in my healing process, I had not been too vocal about this part of my life. I decided at that moment that I wanted to let my Facebook friends know about this interview. But first I needed to let them know about this private part of my life.
Continue following this post tomorrow as I share what I wrote and the responses I recieved. So I typed up the following statement and posted it on my page:
For a very long time, I have battled and questioned if I should share with all of Facebook a very sensitive part of my life. to me, Facebook is more of a “how am I feeling in the moment” status update and not much of a “this is who I am and this is my life journey” status update. It is scared to make this decision to share this part of my life with Facebook. I feel to help me with my life journey and to hopefully help others I have decided to make this decision to share this part of who I am. So buckle your seatbelt for a bumpy ride.
I AM A SURVIVoR OF SEXUAL TRAUMAS. A family friend molested me when I was 10, a cousin raped me when I was 13 and I was gang-raped when I was 19 in the Army. I did not report any of these crimes because I blamed myself for each of these traumas/ So I put the “monster” in the closet hoping it would go away. Instead, it grew bigger every time I fed it with self-doubt, blame, denial, bitterness, and other insecurities. I opened up the closet a few times just to see if the monster was still there. Never really wanting to deal with it just hoping it was gone.
When I studied the bible in 2000 was the first time I really had to question myself if I had or would I ever forgive these violators. I wrote forgiveness letters to my violators. I thought that was the end and everything would be okay.
Over the last 14 years, I have realized that I have to forgive them every time a trigger happens. I have had to pray for forgiveness of the bitterness I have had.
It has not been an easy process 7 1/2 years ago I hit rock bottom in my life and realized that I needed to get some help for my traumas & PTSD. I finally let those monsters out of the closet and refused to feed them any longer. It has not always been easy but it has been good. To really rip the scab off of an oozing wound that I have not taken care of and to really clean it and to nurture those wounds and to finally see those traumas are my fault. I did nothing to cause those traumas.
I began speaking 5 years ago at different “Take Back the Night” evens, Victim Impact Boards & Incarceration locations. The reason why I do public speaking is to be the voice to those survivors that are not yet ready to speak. Some of you whore reading this may be wondering “why is she telling us this” I am finally sharing this part of my life with Facebook because I feel I am far enough into my healing process to share it. And also I had an opportunity yesterday to be interviewed by a local TV station about a State bill that they are trying to pass that would lengthen the Statute of Limitation for reporting a sexual trauma. It was an amazing interview and I wanted to share it.
I want to thank my awesome GOD for being there on this life journey. It has been a hard journey but I now know GOD gave me this journey because he knew I would be stronger because of it and that one day I would be stronger enough to help others. This is one of my goals is to share my life story to help others with their life story. TO GOD BE THE GLORY.
