Are There Any Good Soldiers Out There **Possible Trigger** Read with Caution

Session 6

My therapist is awesome. I can tell that she has a great passion for the work she does.

Through out the imaginal (where I talk through the events of the gang rape as though I am present in the moment) The therapist is always asking how I am feeling.

At the end of this session not only did she ask me how I was feeling she asked me what I was thinking. I did have to stop and really go back to that day over 28 years ago to take a moment to think what I was thinking.

And when I did think I was in that moment after the gang rape was over and I had been thrown outside. One of the biggest feelings was betrayal and the biggest thought was “there is no such thing as a good soldier or trustable soldier”

I shared with my therapist that there were 12 soldiers in that room not one of them stood up to protect me. None of them stopped the unfortunate events from happening.

I went on to tell her that those thoughts of “all soldiers are untrustable. ” “There is no such thing as a good soldier” I told her that this had been my thought process for many years.

This is one of the main reasons that I found it difficult to go to the VA for medical care. I felt like ALL MALE VETERANS were untrustable and ALL were offenders.

It was so difficult to get unstuck from that thought process. I have been able to process those thoughts and I can now go to the VA. i can shake the hand of a veteran and thank them for their service. I do now realize that there are good soldiers but it is hard to get the thought process of “A dozen rotten apples spoil the crop”

This session was extremely difficult. i shared with my therapist about my forgiveness letters to my violators. I explained I do this so that I am not carrying the bag of pain and bitterness with me.

I also explained that when it comes to my gang rape I have always just written to “the aviaton soldier” because to me he is the one responsible for inviting me to his room so I have always put all responsibility on his shoulders. Which does have some factual information to it.

i have realized that I need to write a letter to all 12 of the soldiers making them all responsible. So after this session I spent a few days thinking about writing the letter. The night before my next session I actually began the letter and finally finished it in the parking lot of the VA before my appoinntment.

So next weeks Wednesday Blog I will share that letter.

To GOD Be The GLORY. Take Care Much Love