I have heard the saying “A Picture Say One Thousand Words” so many times in my life. It was not 100 % true for me until I graduated with my Associates Degree.
In 2009 I decided to go to school for Photography & Human Relations. I had only been in my healing process for about 2 years at that time. College was hard for me. I am not just talking about going to school at the age of 38.
As part of my healing process, it was hard. I would have panic attacks in class when there were 30 people in the class. I would freak out with so many people around me and then be trying to process the information in the class was hard.
But I stuck to through it. It became easier to deal. So fast forward 28 months and I finally was ready to walk across the stage. But it was not that easy for me. Because of my PTSD, I HAD to sit on the end. So that meant that I had to count how the chairs in the row and then when we got in line I had to count that specific number in front of me to ensure I was on the end. Luckily for me, we did not have to be in alphabetical order so that was good.
I vaguely remember anything about the ceremony itself. I just remember trying to quiet the noise in my head. I thought I did pretty well. Which I did. But then I received my degree and this picture in the mail a few weeks later…
This picture describes what that moment meant to me. Sure I was proud of what I had accomplished. But this picture was more about the panic attacks and the anxiety that had overcome me.
I don’t allow this picture to haunt me. I do allow it to remind me of what my PTSD looked like in the past. But I am a different person now. I am so much strong. I no longer allow my PTSD to define me. It has refined me into a better and stronger person
Take Care Much Love
